The Stupidity Chronicles: Da Rules

I have receive so many requests to become a chapter in the Chronicles that I feel that I need to lay down a few rules. However, these rules are completely arbitrary and can be ignored if I feel the story is worth it.

When I first typed up Cyrano's story, I had named it the way I did for the purpose of being a smartass. However, the response has led me to believe that this could be worth keeping the joke running. It has now become my wish to see the Chronicles continue until I finish at least one volume. Thirty chapters.

So, what are the rules?

Rule #1: The moment must be uncharacteristically stupid and betray all common sense. This means that if you are the type of person who consistently does stupid things then your moment must be monumentally stupid. This rule will be ignored if the moment is considered to be just the right mix of pathetic, stupid and funny to warrant the sympathetic laughs that this work is aimed to draw.

Rule #2: I must be present and somehow involved. This rule is in place for the simple fact that I need to have a good deal of the facts of the moment so that I can properly relate it to the people who are only learning of the incident through The Chronicle. Grounds for ignoring this rule are details on this moment can be readily and fully recalled from the people involved.

Rule #3: The incident will only be posted if all people involved are in full agreement. I do not wish to have someone unwillingly embarrassed. I do not think that this rule is entirely necessary but I am including it for the sake of legality. The only reason for ignoring this rule comes to: Do I like you? Can I tolerate you? Are you on my friends list?

Rule #4: The incident must not be well known at the time of posting. The purpose of the Chronicles is to inform and highlight spectacular moments of stupidity. It is not for beating a dead horse, and hopefully, it will never be guilty of that. The only consideration this rule will get is if the incident is well known but the facts are not.

Rule #5: If said moment results in a felony or the death of the subject and/or an animal, it will not be posted under any circumstances. While I do enjoy the Darwin Awards, this is not a part of the Darwin Awards. I do not find death or criminal activity to be particularly funny. You, my readers, will just have to live with this decision as I do not plan to change it.

Rule #6: By agreeing to having your moment posted, you also agree that I have free reign to mock you over said moment for the rest of your mortal life, or eternal life if the Christians end up being right. Also, you agree that I may publish said moment anywhere I choose. The second half of this agreement will be assumed to be in effect if not directly requested otherwise.

Rule #7: All planned moments will be rejected outright. These Chronicles are for natural acts of stupidity and all premeditation undercuts that goal.

These rules are subject to updates pending future situations and needs. Be sure to check here frequently to see if any changes have been posted.

If you know of any past moments that fit within this limitations, please IM me, send me an email or just send a message over MySpace. I will also accept these type of contributions in person. However, I am the final say on what is posted. Contributions received in this manner will be posted if I am unable to acquire Chronicle-worthy stupidity in my normal life.

Contributions by: H. Apple and C. Moore.

written: August 24, 2006.